Guys.
You know what is really weird…………. I am attracted to all of the asian guys in my current sculpture class.
BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLSHIT!
I question it myself. Haha.
You know what is really weird…………. I am attracted to all of the asian guys in my current sculpture class.
Complaints
Someone should write me a handbook on how to deal with life because obviously I’m going at everything all wrong.
To some people in my life…
—GIRLS - Magic
Realizing that I haven’t talked to him for 16 hours and that I won’t see him for at least two or three days is making me feel sad. I find this unusual and it must make me sound clingy. I think I’ve been taking advantage of seeing him every day and talking to him every day. It’s funny because on Wednesday when I was hanging out with him I was starting to feel drained out from being around him. I was getting annoyed with him even though he wasn’t really doing anything. And this morning I almost thought about texting him and telling him I didn’t want to see him because I was so tired. But now the fact that the last time I talked to him was this morning and that I didn’t get to properly tell him to have a good Christmas has been bothering me for the rest of the day. Then I started to worry that he didn’t remember to take the tags off the gifts I had helped him choose for his family or that he might have forgotten them at home. Then I freaked out that he probably forgot to get a Christmas tree before leaving. I think I am too used to his presence and admittedly I like him a lot more as people keep entertaining the idea of us. I honestly feel like going back to school is going to be one of the hardest things for me to do. It means that him and I go back to talking online and I feel disconnected from his life. Then we have spring break and maybe a little of summer. I am thinking more and more that going to London is going to be bittersweet. How can a trip of a lifetime make me so sad? I don’t want to go because I don’t want to miss out on what I think would be a good summer in San Diego. I am feeling really…..confused.
I feel like starting new,
that’s why I’m sticking with you,
nobody makes me feel better
You’ve chased my fears away,
that’s why I’m sticking with you,
nobody makes me feel better
Tonight he told me there were three girls he always thought he would end up with. He told me about the first girl. He told me about the second girl. But he didn’t tell me about the third girl.
He told me that he would rather have a girl tell him how she feels. I know I should just tell him how I feel but there are so many things that are holding me back. Of course I would be afraid that our friendship would never be the same/rejection, but at the same time I’m just hesitant because there are so many things in his past that I can’t overlook no matter how hard I try. I can’t stand the people he was previously with or the things he did with them and I know so much about him including how crazy he really is and while I would love to live in a bubble of delusion, he really needs help. The thing is, I still care about him a lot but I always have to reminds myself that it can’t happen. I have to convince other people that I’m over him…and sometimes I do believe it but sometimes I can’t help to have feelings for him again.
I tell him about the other guys in my life and I know it bothers him but it’s the only way I know to get past my feelings for him. It’s funny because for the whole day I could only think about Octavio taking me to breakfast and how I really like him and then tonight that changed. I kept talking about Octavio but I knew deep down the feelings that I have for him just aren’t the same….
…well at least not yet.
I’ve got a big, big, big, big heartbeat, yeah
I think you are the sweetest thing
I wear a coat of feelings and they are loud
I’ve been having good days
Think we are the right age
To start out own peculiar ways
